Dead Men Left

Monday, July 26, 2004

Duck and cover

To calm the frayed nerves of an tense populace, DML is pleased to summarise the government's advice on coping with terrorist attacks. Be afraid. Be very afraid indeed.

"If a bomb goes off in your building, look for the safest way out."

Chemical, biological or radiological incident
"Move away from the immediate source of danger."

Possible signs of terrorism
"Terrorists need...

A place to live: Are you suspicious about any tenants or guests? [Arabs! Arabs!]

To plan: Have you seen anyone pay an unusual amount of attention to security measures at any location?

Money: Individuals may set up bogus bank accounts, copy credit cards, return goods for large cash refunds.

Equipment: If you are a retailer, do you have any cause to be suspicious about anything being bought?"

Citizens: STAY IN YOUR HOMES. And no funny business.

( personal favourite was Third Way guru Anthony Giddens' suggestion, when dragged before assembled LSE students, that terrorists could blow up the pumps regulating the height of the Thames, FLOODING the whole of LONDON! THE WHOLE OF LONDON!! Crivens.)