Fresh atrocities in Bethnal Green and Bow

Just in from Oona King's office:

GEORGE GALLOWAY "THROWS BABIES OUT OF INCUBATORS" HORROR
Cackling Respect supporters in "orgy of wanton destruction and thuggery"

George Galloway today failed to provide proof that he had not been throwing babies from incubators in the Royal London Hospital. Horrified doctors have not denied that Galloway was reportedly seen spilling the blood of the new-born to sate the poisonous forces of political extremism unleashed by this campaign.

The Scottish MP has arrived in the East End to stir up trouble, particularly amongst the gated community. "What about house prices?" asked one concerned resident. "Galloway's message of hate is doing nothing for my mortgage."

In a related incident, frenzied Respect supporters have been conducting obscene rituals in buildings known to them as "mosques", where they hang around in large groups, and half of them can't speak English, they all get put first on the housing list, what about those poor animals they kill it's not natural they're just using their religion as an excuse I know someone who got burgled by one of them Kosovos last week.

Oona King's agent, former England manager Graham Taylor, stated that, "The East End knows how to deal with moustachioed demagogues and their bully-boy tactics using our community for their own political purposes. I'm not advocating a lynch-mob but if people want to take matters into their own hands New Labour will supply the rope. Hang him, brothers! Hang him high!"

Oona King said that, "Extremists from across the country have descended on Bethnal Green and Bow in a vain effort to prop up a failing political movement built around one man's monstrous ego. They've been seen across the constituency demanding support for the invasion of Iraq and selling council housing. The people of the East End don't like outsiders dictating how they should live their lives and voting for illegal wars. I've not been shagging Jack Straw, incidentally."

Muslims: we know where you live

MESSAGE ENDS

Update: Hutton got there first.